Bake, bake & bake.. :)

Salam..

I've baked a few cakes since last week.. I find that cooking & baking really helps when I'm stressed.. There have been matters that been running through my mind lately.. and i'm homesick as well.. huhu..

My dear husband bought me a cooking book a few months ago & he wrote in it 'desserts are stressed spelled backwards'.. and it's very true;) when I'm in the kitchen, I just indulge myself in cooking and it makes me feel good.. I can forget about my worries & stress.. just enjoy the smell & tastes of the food.. and of course serving them makes me feel even better.. and the best part,seeing people enjoying the food:)

Today,my friends came over from Cork.. I cooked nasi lemak & I baked pandan chiffon cake as specially requested by them.. this is not my first time baking the cake .. the 1st trial was a total disaster.. the 2nd was much better.. and this time,alhamdulillah.. it's not easy to get the right texture.. and after surfing the internet,I found the mistakes.. And I guess they are the common mistakes that people make.. I've learned a few steps that are important:

1. don't use a non-stick chiffon cake mould.. and don't grease it..
2. whipped the white eggs until it's stiff
3. quickly invert the mould once taken out of the oven
4. Don't remove the mould while the cake is still hot.
   

This is the outcome..

Last week I made chocopots.. found the recipe accidentally when I was searching the chocolate cake recipe.. It was originally from the famous Nigella Lawson.. I am not too crazy about these chocopots.. I prefer the chocolate cake:)


























and my dear husband made a dessert as well!! i don't know that's the real name of this dessert.. we just called it rice crispies choc:) the recipe was given by one of his consultants.. thanks for the recipe.. it was a very simple recipe yet it was delicious..

Two weeks ago I tried a new recipe.. the moist marble cake.. We brought it over to Mas Mahadi's house & met up with hanif & hilma.. their children really enjoyed the cake.. children are just cute! i sure will miss hadif.. I used to babysit him a few weeks last year.. he is just so cute & so well-behaved.. hanif & hilma has gone back to Malaysia for good.. I hope to meet them again some day,insyaAllah..

So,what do you think? should I open my own bakery?;p hehehe.. i'm far from that.. I just love baking in my own leisure time.. and i'm not creative;) i'm still searching for the next recipe to try.. will update soon..

P/s: we're both on holidays next week! hoorayy!!

Two Days, Two Drops..

Salam..

Another day has passed in the life of a health-care professional.. Yet, today, after what had happened yesterday, brought a new spirit along with the morning breeze, which quite honestly had some spring notion to it, even at this still-winter season.. The fresh uplifting feeling had materialized within my veins.. It was all so invigorating..

The day had gone well that it seemed a purpose was re-ignited, a reason sparked.. Despite the anticipated long day, I had never thought of sighing or wincing.. The desire to be a good doctor had been refreshed..

And just when I thought yesterday was an epic event, rare yet spiritually enhancing, I was faced with another token of gratitude.. Alhamdulillah, my heart was again locked onto why I wanted to be a doctor..

A lady whom I attended to in the outpatients today handed me a 50euro note just after I had examined her.. I was struck off balance, not knowing what to do at that instance.. It was a token of appreciation and gratitude for me for looking after this lady.. In all fairness, it was the first time I actually saw the lady.. It would not have made any different outcome had I seen her before as well..

"This is for you, doctor.. For taking care of me.." It was brief and direct.. The crispy note was pushed into my palm..

Cultural

In the Irish society, it is not uncommon, especially among the previous generation elders, to toss a huge amount of money as a token of appreciation.. Matter of fact, refusing to accept may well indicate unappreciative sign and may well be looked at as rude..

I finally took the money, discussed that with my colleagues and decided that I would transfer the amount to the Dialysis Unit Fund.. I was then told that this lady does it all the time every time she attends the clinic..

As for me, the monetary value is of no concern to me, but I would humbly accept the note of gratitude from this lady on behalf of all doctors in the world and return the favour as a promise that we all would do our best to be a good doctor..

I may not see this lady again soon, but the experience I had today will stick with me.. Two drop of sweetness from patients are a majestic value of spirit and reminder to me, and I has both so close together.. Yesterday and today were great reminders for me, of an experience to share, of an ambition refreshed, and of a value of which made us human..

Alhamdulillah..
Salam..

The Dew That Keeps Me Going

Salam..

Recently, career and job have been subjectively stressing and objectively draining my mental capacity to function.. Nonetheless, the train of life speeds through the dimension of living and, without a doubt, will leave whoever is dozing.. I, for instance, hate to be left dangling at the platform, not knowing what had passed me by.. To that effect, I had been immersing my day life with all the jobs and chores so that my days would be effectively and professionally filled..

So was all my other colleagues, ever so dedicated with our professional undertakings, like bees hounding a fresh morning nectar-rich flower.. Alas, all the pressure of career has made me emotionally blunt, at least during the eight-hour or so of period I am in the hospital.. Shameful to say, that maybe to the extend seeing a patient as a box of mind-challenging pathology questions and less as a person needing help..

Reminder

A quick attempt for lunch break was the turning point of the day and more so as a reminder of the truthful reason of ambition..

As I walked and queued for my vegetarian ciabbata and hot chocolate, I was approached by pleasant man, nicely dressed, probably sitting at the coffee dock with his own cup of latte.. I was caught off guard.. The face was familiar, the voice was recognisable, yet I could not place the man anywhere that I have met him before.. Of course, I felt bad.. And it did not stop there..

"Thank you, doctor, for taking good care of my wife.. She has died since.. But I never had the chance to thank you personally.. Thank you, doctor, so much.."

His hand grabbed mine, his grip firm, honest and pure.. He shook my hand and went back to sit with his latte, with another thank you whisper before releasing my hand..

I smiled and grabbed my sandwich, headed towards the Doctors' Res.. My initial plan for the early bite was overtaken by a shiver of emotion, a mixture of honoured accomplishment and undeserved gratitude.. As soon as I reached the couch in the Res, even with the sandwich in my hands, I could not stop thinking about the gratitude note I received a few minutes ago..

I picked up my mobile phone, dialed a number so familiar to me and worked my way through to Andrea.. Her lovely voiced greeted me and I asked for a favour.. Andrea is like my Penelope Garcia statistical analyst for the day.. In less than a minute, it all became clear..

The man at the coffee dock who thanked me was the husband of a previous patient of mine, recently deceased.. Interestingly, I had looked after her wife previously and had met the husband in several occasions with their daughter.. And the man so composed to walk up to me, despite that what he did might have reminded him of his late wife, thanked me for my deeds, only to face me who had the faintest idea of who he and her family were..

Maybe that was why I was so shook, that I had to find out who he was, who his family were..

Maybe that feeling of being honoured for the job I do is the nectar of this career, the one drop of spirit that keeps us all going and striving in the pathway.. Maybe, it is also Allah's way to remind me why I wanted to be a doctor - to help the unwell..

I am reminded.. Thank you for the gentleman at the coffee dock.. Thank you for reminding me of why I was there by your family's side, for reminding me why I am still here..

Salam..

First, Do No Harm

Salam..

Drifting away from the ever scientific and factual lifestyle of a 'medic', I decided this entry tonight will be a lighter version of a person, not bound or tagged by his career.. In all fairness, it is an essential part of being a doctor, that is being a human being!

Recently, much has happened, whether politically or locally, that everything needs to be 'documented'.. That all relates to the legality and traceability of every single word you say.. At least, that is what the medical training and profession in this Western world looks like at present time.. Given that so much was invested to 'cover our own sides', it is not surprising at all that the littlest of information can be harmful if delivered using a wrong combination of words..

Reminiscing Palliative Care

Turbulent and turbid - that would probably the best phrase I would choose to describe the medical field at the moment.. Turbulent, with the pressure of working in a sub-conducive environment, lack of nationwide general understanding on the working conditions and challenges faced by doctors day in and day out, general 'stigma' that doctors are well-paid (and perhaps over-paid!), the mounting pressing drags of neglected doctor support system and cry for help.. Turbid, with the upper-level power ever enforcing external pressure to squeeze every drop of energy left in all doctors and expecting no (or denying any) feedback, with the uncertainty of NCHD-IHCA on-paper relationship level..

When turbulent meets turbid, it only equates to one answer - DENIAL.. Denying the fact that doctors work in a sub-professional condition and terms, denying the fact that doctors' challenges are, in fact, more ethical than legal, where patients' care are compromised, denying the truth that, despite the well-honoured title, doctors are paid very poorly for the hours they clock in, denying the fact that doctors' look for help but nobody cares to listen, hence taken as never spoken for.. Denying the truth that everybody knows the system is slaving the doctors..

And it all further manifests itself as compromise in patient care..

It may take a while to realize this, but as a friend said to me today "Somewhere, someone will die because the doctor may not even care anymore, when people don't care about the doctor's interests.."

At this dark hours of the Irish medical profession circumstances, I reminisce the memories and experience working in Palliative Care.. Of course, at the time I was there, all this nonsense of cutbacks had not been brought up at all.. And I remember the joy of coming to work, despite realizing somebody will die that day, that I made a person comfortable, I made a family face the final days of their loved one with utmost dignity and comfort.. That all the money did not matter, all the tablets would not make any difference.. But being there was the magnet that held everybody together.. And that joy is the comfort and greatest pay of being a doctor.. However, when external pressure squeezes all the good faith in any man, then man rebels to ensure self-sustenance.. It is not evil at work, but purely the literal description of "survival of the fittest"..

No smoke without fire.. A simple enough quote to remind anybody that if you play with fire, the consequences may well be (or potentially) destructive..

First, do no harm - that is basic, How To Be A Doctor : Chapter 1.. Just do not forget, that the mirror meaning also takes effect.. Do not 'harm' the doctors.. Remember, when you entrust someone (for example, a doctor) with your life, make sure you have the same respect of his life, that you would do the same if you were in his place.. If you expect your health be looked after properly, make sure you look after your doctors' welfare too..

I rest my case..

Salam..

Man At Thirteen

Salam..

It has been quite a stir in the recent days, certainly after the big news of 'off-loading' the NCHD's from their, what can only be described as, mediocre income.. Nevertheless, despite the many arguments from all NCHD compatriots, be it formally voiced or not, the cutbacks seemed a unilateral dictator decision by the HSE.. As for the the rest of us, counting the days towards the decimation of the majority seems a scary yet real certainty..

Alas, the hearts and souls of the health system in this country have been demolished.. And nobody seems to care.. See us bleed and maybe then people will see and suffer the consequences..

Father At 13

In between the commotion and whirlwind of local scene, another alarming news made the headlines.. A young boy (or should I say by now, man) became probably the youngest father in history to be 'approved' by the media.. Certainly, The Sun made it clear..

(Follow link : http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece)

While the mom is only 15, the dad is two years younger.. And at thirteen, he has already made his mark in his country..

I am not here to judge who should or should not be a father.. Neither am I here to dissect whether should this young man be the attention of media and public support or rage.. Rather, behind this interesting set of events, my true intentions will be outlined by the evaluation of media-made humanity, human rights, values and 'what ifs'.. Do not succumb to agreement or disapproval of my writing, but flow me in with comments and debate the matter..

Some readers may have come to realize or feel that a tinge of 'anti-media' has back-dropped by colour pellet.. I am truthful when I declare that media has played a major role in molding our society and thinking.. As for this part of the story, certainly I feel that it is one of cashing in from the news! It is the media business to front-page the most exciting news to catch the eyes of bypassing potential readers at the news-stand.. I do not believe the media runs on a moral basis to excavate the social deprivation and change it, but my beliefs is that the excavation is of monetary and fame returns to the company.. What people make out of the story published is an after-effect possibly not worthy of entertainment.. And in this case, a young boy is made a man at a very tender age, by the media.. So much for humanity.. Welcome spotlights!

My brain has now come to an escalation point that my writing tonight is as messy as a yarn of thread after sandstorm! Do not be alarmed as I will attempt to flee the revolving door and schematically continue my discussion..

To a certain extend, human rights play a part in this issue, when a couple of teenagers parent a child.. As reported in the news, an anti-abortion pro-LIFE wing has supported and commented on the 'courage' of the young parents to bring the baby into this world.. The issue about abortion has been a never-ending battle between two sides and yet none has emerged victorious.. In my opinion, there should never even be any sides.. A child is a gift and, largely, a responsibility from Allah that there should never be a question whether the child should live or not.. Of course, medical circumstances come into play when the mother's life is on the balance.. But that is a whole different ballgame.. As for my own stand, the minute you decide to have a child, it is the same time that you have agreed with Allah that you are taking the responsibility as a father and a husband..

But, as for non-Muslims, does this 'courage' of bringing the baby into this world make it acceptable? Is it the parents' rights to say yes or no? I have no doubt that the child has full rights to be born into this world.. I have no doubt that the parents, be it tender in age, should take full responsibility of their actions.. But I disagree that this is an acceptable circumstances to the society..

Values

This leads to the arguments of values in our society.. Looking from the perspective of, what seems to be, a corrupted society, the whole value of parenthood has diminished with the acceptance of this news.. Bear in mind that there is a lot more than just the 'exciting' news here.. Underage sex and pre-marital sex are major issues portrayed by this event.. Islam has certainly guidelined these topics, that a major branch has been dedicated just towards 'Munakahat'.. What is the Church's stand in this matter? It is a roaring question, and yet a 'yes' or a 'no' will spiral the Church in a way it would be hard to redeem the trust in Church values..

A 'yes' means approval of pre-marital sexual practice and a 'no' would mean the acknowledgement of a cracking society out of hand yet it is not punishable!

And hence it is no surprise that despite the news being front-page every day, the Church has said nothing..

What ifs

People believe that when 'what if' questions make the forefront, then nothing will ever get done as the simple phrase categorically means 'uncertainty'.. In all fairness, it is true.. But, this time, my 'what if' is a challenge again to society, to answer my fundamental question..

What if the baby was aborted or the mother had a miscarriage? As we know, abortion is legal in England since the Abortion Act in 1967, hence the separation between pro-LIFE and pro-CHOICE.. But had the baby was aborted or miscarried, would we have known the corruption and endemic pathology of the society? Or would it just be another local news and be swept under the carpet?

What if the parents were, say, above 18 years of age? Does the Church agree that they are allowed to have sex despite not being married? For sure, Islam is against pre-marital sexual practice.. But where does the Church stand? If they are against, than it seems nothing is being done, but if they are allowing pre-marital sex, then isn't that against the Bible?

So many 'what ifs' can be asked, yet grasping any answer is scarce..

Learn

News are there for a reason.. Events happen for human being to learn, to evaluate, to discriminate between right and wrong, and to reflect and return to Allah (God) for guidance.. As for many cases we see in this world, the good and the bad, asking for guidance from Allah is the measure of how close we are to being a pious slave, an 'abid.. And ask for protection from the evil deeds and influence of Syaitaan..

As for the news, I congratulate the young parents for not giving in to abortion.. Yet I have no doubt on disagreeing of what they did.. I pray Allah will protect the innocent child who was brought into this turbulent world by, what I can only see as, a chaotic value-deprived family.. (Subhanallah, Astaghfirullah, I ask for forgiveness from Allah for my harsh comment..)

May Allah guide us all to be a healthy servant and grant us the strength to hold firm to the teachings of the Holy Quran and Sunnah..

Salam..

Losing Either Way

Salam..

I am back again in less than a day, blogging my way in this page.. In case you did not notice, if you look closely, this entry has the same date as the one before.. Does it mean my ranting are getting out of control? Not at all.. The matter of the fact, I thought the last entry was a little to statistic and factual, whereas this one would be a rather deliberate and spontaneous, despite the previous entry title included the word 'FIRED?!'.. I will tell you why..

New Teammate

Behind the turmoil of cutbacks and economic uncertainty, my boss was in the process of hiring another SHO for the team.. It is in fact what he mentioned to me and the other team members earlier on in January.. Of course, after the HSE economic debacle story, even I did not think that the plan to have another SHO would go through.. Hence, it was never even followed up by me, anyway..

In fact, I didn't even realise the post was advertised..

To my surprise, some friends and colleagues had come to talk to me about what was the story.. Because nobody knew what was the deal, it is not surprising that people would think of the worst or negatives..

"Shaz, are you fired?"
"What's happening? Why is there an ad for your job?"
"Dude, are you ok? Your job was advertised as IMMEDIATE.. Are you sick?"

Only then it clicked.. Ahh, the job..

Thank you for your concern.. Luckily, I was not fired.. In fact, it was the new post advertised.. The Renal service will be opening a new Dialysis Unit off-site the hospital.. Hence, the registrar covering Dialysis Unit will have to commute on daily basis between the hospital and the new unit.. The extra SHO will be a helping hand for the registrar in the Dialysis Unit in the hospital when the registrar is at the Dock Road Unit.. That is the purpose..

Despite the certainty, not that I doubted myself, but I went to seek for clarity.. I composed myself and asked my boss whether I was fired.. He laughed and asked "What do you think?".. So I said (with some confidence that I still have my job) I think I have been doing a fair job and I was almost certain that the post advertised was for the extra hand, not that I was fired.. He laughed again but it was clear that that was the reason..

Phewww..
For a second I thought I had lost my job..

Salam..

Cutbacks And Retrenches! FIRED?!

Salam..

Over the last few weeks, one theme has come up as an common discussion topic in almost all Doctors' Res and even Facebook - that is the HSE cutbacks and the potential implications to the doctors here in Ireland, particularly NCHD's (Non-Consultant Hospital Doctors).. Of course, the consultants, be it in the public or private sector, had their share earlier on sometime last year with the big row with the new consultant contract.. But, let's face it, that issue was never a big lunchtime topic for NCHD's..

Of course, furthermore, the Irish government itself has implemented several big ideas to further cut the income of the population across the board.. With the introduction of the 1% income levy (on basic annual income, for earnings up to €100,000, and 2% on earnings thereafter), the pinch is such a sting that it may be hard to bear.. Even recently, the government has introduced another cutback on pensions.. It is hard to even try to comprehend when, after all the services you have done, you may end up with not a single penny in your pension account!

NCHD : The HSE Slaves?

Come 18th February, if everything goes 'according to plan' by the government/HSE, the new implementation of cutbacks on NCHD incomes.. Some of the proposed cutbacks are as listed below :

• Training grant will be cancelled
  
• Living out allowance cancelled
  
• Higher degree allowance cancelled
• Diploma allowance cancelled
• Mandatory pre-call day off without any pay
• Mandatory post-call day off without any pay
• Mandatory one-hour unpaid lunchbreak each day
• Interns to be restricted to 48hrs paid hours only from July 1st
• Cutting in CORE BASIC pay (unspecified percentage)
• Overtime to be cut from time-and-a-quarter for the first 15 hours to TIME ONLY
• No premium overtime rates for Sundays and bank holidays

These are the suggestions proposed to the Irish Medical Organisation (IMO) as sent by the HSE.. Let us slice through these one by one briefly..

1. NCHD's receive approximately €3,800 per annum for Training Grants.. This fund is used to support NCHD's for paying examinations (eg. MRCP Part 1 exam costs €550, MRCP Part 2 Clinical costs €750), buying revision books, €1,900 allocated for laptop/desktop for continuing education purposes, €550 allocated for PDA, for course fees and so forth.. Should this be cancelled, all NCHD's will have to dig deep in their own pockets to afford those fees and payments for their own education..

2. Living Out Allowances fare approximately €250 monthly as a 'compensation' for NCHD's when the employer (HSE/Hospital) does not supply accommodation to the doctors.. As for that, of course it will never cover the rent/mortgage the doctors are paying but certainly it lessens the burden.. The general rent rate in Limerick at present is €850 for a 2-bedroom apartment or roughly €1,200 monthly for a similar apartment in Dublin!

3. Higher Degree and Diploma Allowances account for about €2,900 and €1,000 annually respectively.. These are extra tips on top of the basic pay as doctors mature with their career.. For example, once an NCHD completes the MRCP exams, then this allowance in payable to him.. Needless to say, although it may sound lavish, the path towards accomplishing these titles are undoubtedly horrid.. In a way, these are a career achievement rather than just extras.. It doesn't hurt to be acknowledged..

Now, the interesting parts..

4. Mandatory no-pay pre-call day off and post-call day off.. This is just a joke, ridiculously a joke! By common sense, no consultant will allow this to happen.. Having said that, remember, this cutbacks does not affect the consultants, hence they may miss to take these into considerations once this changes take place.. I give a simple example, say Dr A, a consultant, is oncall on Tuesday, and (taken Limerick as an example) the whole of Dr A's team is oncall.. On Monday, there will be no one from his team at work because of the mandatory no-pay pre-call day off.. Then, all of his subordinates will be in on Tuesday and then on Wednesday all of his team will be off again! Who will look after Dr A's patients on Monday and Wednesday? Who will do present the patients and sort out the new patients from Tuesday? Does Dr A expect his team to come in for work on Monday and Wednesday and NOT BEING PAID? I rest my case..

5. In busy hospitals, lunchtime is never a lunchtime.. More often than not, it is the time for NCHD's to do the smaller jobs in the wards to buy some time to complete their work by 5pm.. Some other teams, which are less busy, would take the lunchtime to do 'dry rounds' - going through the patient list without seeing the patients.. Teaching hospitals take the one-hour break as much as three times a week for NCHD teaching sessions or Grand Rounds.. Now, what will happen if doctors are not paid in that one hour period? Why not go out for lunch? why work when you will not be paid?

6. Time-Only Overtime.. Up to date, after the 39-hour week scheduled for official working hours, every hour are paid 25% extra on top the hourly rate.. Roughly, if your hourly rate is €20, then every hour overtime you are paid €25.. This goes up to 15 hours overtime.. After that, every hour will be paid as T+1/2, which means 50% on top of hourly rate.. Now, say the first 15 hours now are being paid as basic hourly rate, then common sense sinks in and ask "Why should I stay back?" And what happens during oncall? You stay overnight only to be paid the same hourly rate despite having to work the long 24-hour shift on your toes? I suppose, the pre- and post-call unpaid mandatory day off is the compensation for that.. Maybe.. And no premium overtime rates mean that working on Sundays or any public holidays are as the same as working on any day.. As of now, as of the signed contract to date, Sundays and public holidays are paid double time.. Maybe not for any longer..

All of these cutbacks are a 180-degree turn from the signed contract.. Question is, if these new plans are brought into place :

Does the current signed contract have any legal standing in the eye of the HSE/Government,
That all stated in the contract are easily cancelled by HSE?
Is this the new era of political/professional slavery?

Salam..

28

Salam..

Some of you may have been wondering where have I been over the last few entries.. Truth be told, not that I was 'escaping', but the such chores of daily life, including work, had been of the better part of priority.. Hence, blogging was re-scheduled and again re-scheduled..

28

Days had passed and so did weeks, months and then years.. And once again, the anniversary of life came to its day.. Most of the world's population may even know this day as 'birthday'.. The celebration of remembering how long have we lived in this planet, this world.. As for me, for some reason, it was another working day *sigh*

Not that I was hoping to take a break during this week, but certainly it was not a delightful way of celebrating the anniversary.. Nevertheless, despite that, it is as meaningful as every year and more so every year..

Every year, when one wishes me "Happy Birthday!", I look back to my life and ponder what have I achieved, what am I doing and what I want to achieve in the next year.. It all seem so New-Year-Resolution-like, but alas I don't make any resolutions on January 1st, but only on February 2nd.. And it is much more meaningful to see my accomplishments and failures as a measure of the meaning of life..

Looking back over the last one year, I saw a young man trying hard to be a dedicated servant of God, a loving husband, a good son, a caring brother, an efficient doctor, and an easy colleague to work with..

And after a year, it is hard to gauge how far have I achieved any of those.. But small signs mean a lot.. The great life Allah has blessed me with, a smile from my wife, a confidence trust from my mother, a gratitude note from my siblings, a thank you from my patient and a favor from a colleague.. It all adds up to the meaning of life - that I am worth something to somebody..

And looking forward to the next one year, not much of a resolution change : I want to be better! And I pray Allah gives me the strength to strive further forward..

Happy Birthday Me!

Salam..