Bake therapy...

Salam..

I've been at home since last week - thanks to my consultant & my team for their understanding & considerations,I got 2 weeks off.. it is nice to stay at home but coming into the 2nd week, I started to feel bored.. it's kind of weird.. never thought i'll be bored at home.. hehe;)

What did I do at home? - eat, watch movie, eat, cook, eat, surf Internet & eat and eat again.. I'm sure I've gained some weight now.. huhu.. I've tried to study a little bit but failed miserably.. hehe.. I think my brain has slowed a little bit..;p

To minimise my boredom, I decided to bake again.. I spent half of the day to pick up a recipe.. there are hundreds,if not thousands,of cake recipes in the internet.. and I actually got slight headache at the end of my recipe-hunting.. at last I shortlisted 3 recipes to try - chiffon cake, cheese buttercake & choc cake (again.. hehe).. Luckily I have all the ingredients in my kitchen.. except for castor sugar.. alamak.. spoiler.. well,probably it was a saver actually.. who will eat the cakes if I baked all 3 cakes?? hmm,good question..

so,in the end,I just baked the cream cheese buttercake.. as my husband isn't really into fancy cakes.. he asked for a plain cake before.. plain cake?! I really didn't have any idea at that time.. now i know,probably he meant for buttercake.. I think it is one of the most basic cake.. probably.. i took the recipe from the internet.. I found it on a few sites but I think the original recipe is from baby batrisyia (if i'm not mistaken).. It's really simple and the results, lovely fabulicious cake.. nice.. Alhamdulilah.. so,thanks for sharing the recipe..


If time permits,I'll try the other 2 recipes.. InsyaAllah..

Tearful Farewell To Our Daughter..

Salam..

A long December and there's a reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last..

It had somewhat looked that way, or at least I thought it was..

Suffice to say, 2009 brought me hope and new agendas and resolution that many of us may find small.. Alas, despite all the small preparations and readiness, I had not gauged that my patience and emotions were to be tested so great again..

As you may have noticed and read from the previous entry from my wife, sadly we lost another baby last week.. And the hopes and dreams we had vanished with the little fellow, accompanied only by our tears and prayers..

I had hoped (and somehow fairly convinced) that it would be a girl.. Maybe from the difference I noticed during the early part of the pregnancy.. Worse of the nausea and to some extend vomiting, the decrease in appetite.. In fact, even emotionally, Ina was different compared to the last time.. And the last time, I thought it would be a boy - and I have always taken him as a son.. Maybe the difference this time made me convinced that it would be a daughter.. Or maybe my subconscious was just playing in my head telling me my son would have wanted a sister.. Either way, that was what I thought..

Subhanallah, Allah loves my daughter more so than I could ever love her, and He took her and placed her in Jannah, along with her brother.. As for me and Ina, yes, we are indeed distraught by the fact lightning did strike twice.. But at the same time, our prayers and thoughts will always be with our children, now beside Allah in Jannah..

No-one could ever explain the feelings we are going through at present time.. The thought of losing a child is more than anybody could handle, what else being the one we have always been waiting for.. The more we want something, the lost would just be more unbearable, but at the same time, the test from Allah is so magnificent that only unto Him we plead strength and patience..

17th January 2009 - The day our daughter left us to be with Allah and her brother in Jannah.. Ibu and Ayah will always remember you.. Will always have you and your brother in our hearts and prayers.. We know both of you will be waiting for us, that one day we will again be a family.. And insya-Allah, with brothers and sisters too for you both.. Until that day comes, do pray for Ibu and Ayah, so Allah will give us both the strength and courage to face the coming days..

I will miss you, always..
My prayers will always be with you..

Goodbye, my dear daughter..

When the lightning struck twice..

Salam..

It has been a very long time since my last entry in this blog.. as you can read from the previous entry,I haven't been very well for the past few weeks.. mostly from my morning sickness..

It has been a very long weekend for us.. I had a few alarming signs on Saturday.. it got worse over the day so we went to maternity hospital.. I was lucky that k.agee & mary were oncall on that day.. I knew them as both of them were working in regional before.. plus mary higgins was my tutor during my final year & k.agee is faizals' a.k.a uncle wife..

so,I had the scan and it wasn't promising.. but nothing much could be done other than wait & see.. so we went home.. and I knew that I was losing my baby.. again.. the first time,it was painful.. this second time, even more.. it was not the physical pain that ache me,it was more the emotional pain.. it was just excruciating..

Sunday.. i started to bleed.. and i knew then that it was the beginning of the end.. I chose to be at home this time.. I just wanted to be with my dear husband.. he is my strength and my hope..

Monday.. we went to maternity again for a repeat scan.. and the 'good news' came.. It was a complete miscarriage & i didn't have to go for ERPC.. amazingly,i was able to stay calm that morning.. probably because I've cried my heart out over the weekend.. and probably because I've already kind of expecting the news.. Mary is very kind to come back to maternity hosp that morning & met us.. she explained the whole thing & gave us advise for future pregnancy..

It seems that everything happened too quickly & now I felt that I've overcome all the feeling of loss, guilty, sadness, loneliness.. I thought this time it would be much worse.. but I believed that all the support and prayers from my loved ones really helped me to through this rough times..

I'm nearly fully back to myself now.. my nausea totally gone and my appetite shoot up to the sky! I got my energy back.. Alhamdulillah.. It has been tough for both of us before.. I wasn't eating much for the past few weeks and that really worried my dear husband very much.. and I hate making him worried over me.. I was really weak & tired,probably mostly from not eating.. it was very hard for me to find anything that could increase my appetite.. rice was definitely out of the menu.. as well as chicken.. it just made me felt sick..

Throughout the past nine weeks,I hardly did any work at home.. my dear husband had to do them all by himself.. from cooking, washing the dishes, cleaning up the house, laundry - from washing to ironing, everything he had to do by himself-apart from the busy job he already has in the hospital.. and i felt hopeless of not having the energy to help him.. yesterday,i was able to cook for him again.. and i love to cook and i do miss cooking! it was a very nice feeling to be able to serve him dinner after the long hours in the hospital.. and by 9.30pm,he was already dozing away on the couch.. somewhat in my heart,there is a feeling of relief that my dear beloved husband finally can get some rest after all the hard work he has done for the past weeks... seeing him sleeping peacefully,i couldn't ask for more.. I've the sweetest bestest husband one could wish for (I guess every wife would say the same thing about their husband too;).. ).. he once asked me, was there a single day that he didn't make me smile.. and i was thinking really hard at that time,just trying to be egoistic.. but truly i couldn't think of any day that i wasn't smiling.. even when we were apart,even on my darkest day.. he did his best and never fail to make me smile.. of course there were days of 'biting & scratching' as the Malay saying 'sedangkan lidah lagi tergigit, inikan pula suami isteri', but we never let it be more than a day.. not even more than half day.. alhamdulillah,we managed to settle things between us rationally rather than being emotionally driven.. I love him for who he is.. he is my strength, my happiness, my bestest friend.. I love you,dear.. thanks for everything..

This is the second time i have to bid good bye to my baby.. although i never get the chance to meet you, I love you with all my heart.. both of you.. I'll always remember you.. and I thank Allah for giving me the chance to be a mother,even for a few weeks.. It was the nicest,sweetest memories of all.. and I pray that one day,I'll be given the chance again..

And I would like to thanks my loved ones - mak, abah, mama.. my beloved sisters - k.sobah, k.yah, erin & intan.. my beloved brothers - abg iszam, abg rusydi, naim, zuli & zaqwan.. for your love & support.. and my friends,for your support & prayers - wan, fid, rayyan, shikin, sepose and fadrie.. may Allah bless you always.. I'm surrounded by the nicest families & friends.. Alhamdulillah..

and for my babies.. I miss you and love you always...

Anger And Fear

Salam..

Again and again, I visit and update this blog with my ranting and emotional venting.. And again and again, this blog becomes a daily journal.. I long to be writing again about current issues and events that could potentially spark an educated discussion..

Don't Be Angry

Lately, I realised that anger is one emotion hard to control.. Not that I was scolding or screaming, but I did feel some unsettling feeling within me.. And for the last two weeks, I have been re-visiting my mind and evaluating myself in front of my own mental mirror, asking "Why am I angry?".. It seems almost simple to put a blame on something external and say that was the reason, but I believe, and always have, that true anger roots within oneself and the external event may just be a spark or scapegoat.. And until one realises that, the finger will always point to something or someone else..

I remember a friend of mine commenting in our discussion about 'anger and fear'.. And I believe he was right.. Anger roots from fear.. That is the natural fact.. But not many realise this.. Reason? Simple.. People believe that something 'outside make them angry', not 'inside'..

The reason a person gets angry is because of his fear.. The fear of losing control, the fear of not being able to determine the outcome in his own way, the fear of being blamed.. The fear of being insufficient.. And that fear manifests itself as anger as a result of expressing control and power.. The subliminal fear acts as a pressure-cooker with temperature rising, even without the person knowing or realising it.. And as soon as a spark comes along, be it in the form of someone else's most minor mistake, the oven explodes with pointing fingers to blame the 'guilty' party..

Why do I talk about anger and fear?

The reason is as simple as it is.. To remind myself my fear..

Worried

My dear darling Ina has not been all that well over the last few weeks.. In fact, you may noticed that I had commented on how she has not eaten any rice over the last few weeks, surviving only on pizzas, bread and fruits..

Just when I thought her nausea was about to settle, she may have picked the winter vomiting bug from the hospital, making her nauseated and actually vomited five times yesterday! Her appetite has again diminished like a sand castle facing the evening ocean tide.. She did not even go to work today..

And even since she started her morning sickness, I was worried about her health and appetite.. I keep encouraging her to have something to eat but the effect seemed paradoxical by the day.. And I became angry..

Angry at her not eating..
Angry at her not drinking..

The matter of the fact, I was worried..

Worried for her health..
Worried for her well-being..
Worried for our growing baby inside her..

I know why I was angry.. I know that very clearly, even from the beginning..

I pray Allah will give her the strength to face this heavy challenge on her body.. I pray Allah will keep Ina and the baby healthy..

Darling, I am sorry I was angry at you..

Salam..

Exhausted..

Salam..

As you may have noticed, no entry was done yesterday.. The matter of the fact was, both of us were on-call last night..

Geri Bad Night

In all honesty, the medics were not that bad.. We took in in total about 17 patients.. Of course, not that it mattered much to me as all those patients I admitted either go to Dr O'Hare or to their previous physicians as per hospital protocol.. As for me, my patient list is indeed independent of the oncall intake.. Nevertheless, the Renal team did get an admission directly transferred from Nenagh General Hospital.. It was a real renal issue.. A man with urea of 60 (normal range between 4-7) and creatinine of 1100 (normal range between 50-90)!

I managed to squeeze about 30mins going through briefly the man's history as I knew I would be asked by my consultant first thing the next morning.. So I did what I thought he would have wanted, and alhamdulillah he agreed to my provisional plan last night.. I did get a few "good" remarks today..

Last night's call was not particularly bad as there were three of us for the medical side with one up to 10pm.. But, unfortunately for Ina, she was the only one for the geriatric oncall and she had admitted 5 herself by the time the medics reached seven between the three of us! And worse, her patients were what we doctors call 'sickies', meaning very unwell complicated management issue patients.. Alhamdulillah, the registrar last night was nice, as I know she is.. She helped a lot too..

I got to bed around 12.30am and Ina only got to bed at 2am.. But she was not called down again afterwards, whereas I was called down to admit another girl who had three seizure episodes in the last 6 hours.. And I managed to escape another admission for a DVT too..

All in all, the call was not that bad..

Long Day, Long Clinic

I realised that Monday and Tuesday would not be the best days for me to be oncall.. The reason, if I was oncall on Monday, I will be looking at a very tiring Tuesday given the mega clinic on Tuesday and I would be post-call.. It would also be bad on Tuesday because I would not be able to do my oncall shift, which starts at 5pm, until later around 7.30 or 8pm given the clinic on Tuesday.. I'm sure the other colleagues oncall would not be particularly happy..

Anyway, it is not like I will always be oncall on a Tuesday or Monday..

The wards today was not that bad too.. I managed to get the jobs done before going to clinic at 2pm.. The only one left to do was taking a blood sample from a patient in the wards which I quickly did before returning home..

The clinic was as usual as before, MASSIVE! We had altogether about 60+ patients who came.. Of course I took the new ones which made me spent more time with them taking the full history and performing a full examination.. We finished the clinic at about 8pm! I did not stay one second longer and as soon as it was over, I was out the door! I had to hold off doing my dictations as I did not have a dictaphone and Aftab has not given me his as yet..

At this stage, I knew the ward workload will be a bit heavier in the next 2-3 days.. We admitted one from the clinic today and potentially another two coming in electively tomorrow for renal biopsy.. Those two need to be prepped before 8am Thursday!

I better get some rest.. I am exhausted and my body feels unclean.. I will take a shower before going to bed, hoping that I would get a better sleep then..

Salam..

Ups And Downs..

Salam..

Again, I take this opportunity to rant further about my life.. Indeed, it seems that I have taken a turn to the worse - being more of a pessimist and complainer.. This is not the usual me, as I know it.. It also seems that the turbulent inside of me has taken a spike, for some reason less to my own clarity..

Maybe this is just the usual ups and downs of being human..

Being tested in the most physical of ways.. And no less the most spiritual of ways..

The ups to remember and be grateful to Allah..
The downs to remember and be patient facing His tests..

The TV Is HUGE!

Anyhow, there are a few ups in this physical world of mine, too.. For one, the 42-inch plasma TV is now up and running! Ina helped me assemble the TV stand (which we finally got!) and then tested the TV with our Sky and XBox 360.. I am fairly happy with the picture.. I must say, I do feel the extra (possibly, component-) cable attached to my XBox is there to give me the better picture than the basic audio-video cable.. I must find the way to connect them right!

The house is still in some degree of mess.. I have cleaned most of the dishes, folded almost all of the clothes (except the ones for ironing) but I have not vacuumed the floor or mopped them.. I didn't really ask Ina to help - she got home only at about 2pm despite she was due to finish work at 9am.. It was the usual post-call ward round..

She had her dinner - her usual Subway tuna sandwich - and now she is in bed.. She will be oncall again tomorrow.. Poor Ina..

Worried

I will not say much, but suffice to say I am still worried.. Ina appetite has majorly deteriorated over the last three weeks.. It started off with her woeful nausea, that she lost her appetite and not being able to eat much.. Since then, over the last one week or so, that has pretty much settled.. Her nausea is not as bad, but her appetite has not come back.. She still survives on sandwiches and bread and fruits.. I can't remember when she last touched some rice..

Alhamdulillah, her nausea has markedly improved.. But still, I am worried since her diet is not at the greatest.. I will not stop her from eating anything nutritious, no matter how small.. Her cravings for junk food also has decreased, so it seems.. That is a major relief! I just hope and pray her appetite for proper food will come back soon.. She has lost some weight from what I can see..

Anyhow, that is all for tonight.. For the obvious unexplained reason, I think today falls into the Down Day category.. I am not looking forward for tomorrow, not as yet, and not looking forward for oncall tomorrow either.. It gets worse - the Tuesday Mega Clinic awaits me post-call!

O Allah! Give me and my wife the strength to face tomorrow and the following days..
To be good and better servants, to be the pure and patient caliphs in this world..

Salam..

Unproductive..

Salam..

I am back again, filling this blog with, what seems to be, a daily journal rather than critical arguments and discussions of current topics around the scene.. Despite all that, I still manage to fill four to five paragraphs of absolutely nothing but rantings and 'day reports' of what I have done during the day..

Unproductive

As enthusiastic as I had been from my previous blog entry, I did not manage to squeeze all of them into the Saturday.. The most I did was clear some of the dishes and wash almost all of the clothes.. I still have a few more shirts and trousers to finish.. I hope to finish that before picking Ina from hospital tomorrow..

I had started off quite well this morning, sending Ina off to work, then straight to the parcel-collection office to pick the 'kerepek' that has arrived.. Unfortunately, the office was closed and all I found was it is only open Monday to Friday, 9 to 5.. Now, that's not good since both me and Ina are working and don't even think of leaving the hospital before 6pm! I had to find another solution, so I did.. I called a friend and he has agreed to pick the parcel for us next week.. That would be a great help.. I could then pick it up from him later next week..

Also, I did go to Curry's to pick up the TV stand that is now 3 weeks overdue.. To my surprise, it was closed when I got there.. I had thought it opens up to 7pm on Saturday, but I was proven wrong.. That means I have to go again tomorrow around 12 noon to pick it up again.. Of course, it would be more efficient if I could call first and ask whether the stand is in stock.. The last time I went there, still hasn't arrived.. Unfortunately, nobody seems to want to answer the phone despite me calling them up to 8 times this week at different times.. I may well lodge a complaint against them.. Again, my plasma screen needs to lie in the extra room for a little bit longer..

Remember The Titans

Possibly one of the best movies I have seen in my life.. Denzel Washington was spectacular in the movie.. Having said that, it was not the acting that glued me to the TV.. It was actually the morale and lesson conveyed by the movie itself.. Segregation in quite common anywhere in the world, but it has always been a matter of "know but don't say", especially in the Malaysian community.. This movie represents how a common similarity - football - crossed that separating line and became a glue to the community.. Maybe we all need to learn a bit or two from that movie..

Teen Titans : Raven, Beast Boy, Cyborg, Starfire and Robin

Oh, well.. Movies are movies.. Hollywood makes them, we see them.. That is how the movie world works.. I need to switch off.. I am tired and it is already past 2am.. Tomorrow (or this morning) I need to pick Ina early.. And I need to finish the house chores before Monday.. We will both be oncall!

Salam..

Stirred And Drained..

Salam..

It seems that every day I log in to this blog, you would read another sigh of my hectic day job.. Am I complaining? Not at all.. But given the workload and the one-man-down team, you should not be surprised why I am sighing at the end of my day.. Every drop of sweat means that it will all be worth it in the end..

Today started just like any other day - facing a tough day with one man down in the team.. I started off in the ICU with the reg and we were joined by the consultant after seeing two patients there.. He was not due to do a ward round, not until the afternoon, but he usually does come in and see the 'sickies'.. After that, we went quickly to the post-biopsy man and I managed to discharge him home straight afterwards..

Then it was just me and the registrar (who was supposed to be in the Dialysis Unit the whole time, but cross-covering) seeing all the other inpatients and sorting them out.. Alhamdulillah, it went okay, but his pager never stopped screaming from the Dialysis Unit.. I was sent to see some of them in Dialysis instead.. Obviously, I had not a single clue what I was doing there!

No Lunch, No Break

The day went very quickly yet very busy.. I only managed to have a short break for Jumaat prayers.. Nothing in between and I didn't get anything to eat.. I realised I had no lunch over the last two days except when I 'escaped' from the ward duties grab a quick bite.. Man, this job is busy!

On Fridays, we are due to finish at 4pm.. Unfortunately, I was still called to Dialysis at 5pm with loads more job to do in the wards after the 3-o'clock ward round kick-off.. I finished 90% of my job at 7.30pm and headed home.. Poor Ina was waiting since probably 5pm for me to finish and she was starving! The reason it was only 90% settled was because I failed to cannulate a man even after four attempts.. It was weird since I got a nice big one just four days ago at my first needle! So I had to heavy-heartedly leave the job to the medical interns on-call.. As a favour, I helped one of them to plant a Mantoux test on a man in another ward..

Myself and Ina stopped by at the Crescent and grab a quick bite at Subways.. She is fond of sandwiches at the moment, not much for rice.. But it is good since her nausea has much settled.. She does seem a little bit more energetic and her appetite has even picked up a small bit.. That is a load of my head!

Geris On-Call

Again, at the time of this installment, Ina has already fast asleep.. I don't blame her - she is working tomorrow.. The Geriatric team will be on-call for the weekend.. Catherine was surprised when we were still in hospital at 7.30pm.. She is on-call tonight, but after this weekend, she is off to the rehab job.. It will be quieter for her.. As for Ina, she will be on-call for the 24-hour period and coming home on Sunday.. Then she will be on-call again on Monday.. I will be on-call Monday too.. (I just realised that!)

Geris on-call by the lovely ladies!

For this weekend, there are few things needing sorting out..

• I need to clean the house again.. It's a mess!
• I need to see if I can pick up Ina's parcel tomorrow..
• I need to check again about the TV stand..
• I need to hit the gym!

Well, that was all I could list down at the moment.. Maybe a few more will crop up before the weekend ends.. Next week, maybe we will visit Cork for some light air.. Limerick has just turned stale the last two weeks, since both our weekends are rotten with on-calls!

Salam..

A Moment To Step Up!

Salam..

I am back again, pretty much summarising my day.. Dear darling Ina has been asleep for the last one hour.. She seemed so tired today - she started off at 7am, of which I got into work myself, but I managed to squeeze a nap about half an hour before eight.. The good thing is, both of us managed to scramble out of the hospital and head home at the stroke of five.. This is rare given the 'ideal' combination of Geri-Renal!

Bumped And Broken

I got up after my nap in the doctors' residence or 'res' and headed down to meet with my registrar.. He came in with a bump in his head and his left arm in a posture so sore! Unfortunately for him, he fell off at home and when he came in he went to the casualty department only to be told he had fractured his left elbow.. Poor man! Worse, he was due to be oncall tonight, which meant the hospital had to hire a locum registrar to cover for him.. Eventually HR did find someone from Nenagh.. An old friend of mine, Naeem Ashraf..

As for me, it meant I had to cover the wards without a registrar! That was not good at all.. I was all over the place from accompanying a patient down for a kidney biopsy to coming back and forth to do small jobs around the place.. Alhamdulillah, the other registrar came to the rescue and helped in the wards.. Technically, he helped by making the decisions about the patients, so that I could keep the plan running..

After a long day running around, I managed to finish about 80% of my job.. I still have a few out-standing consults to follow-up on..

TV Stand On-Hold

I have tried to call the place where we bought the plasma screen to collect the TV stand.. Unfortunately, nobody ever answer the phone there.. Of course the did say they will call me when it is in stock, which would be around since 2 days ago.. So, if I don't follow this one up, I might never get the stand at all..

Again, no answer today.. So, here's the plan.. I will clean up the house tomorrow night.. Sleep early and drive Ina to work Saturday morning (she will be oncall from 9am Saturday to 9am Sunday) and the drive to pick up the TV stand.. I am sure it is already in stock.. Then I will come back home and install my home theatre system..

Okay, guys.. It is already 11pm and I am yawning like a hippo after afternoon bath! I need to sleep.. Tomorrow, I don't know whether we can get a locum to cover for my poor registrar.. If not, I am pretty much in the Screwed Valley!

Salam..

Inadequate..

Salam..

Today is literally just the fourth day I am working in the Renal team.. Despite the short experience, much has happened.. More appropriately, this week has been very busy, not helped by the recent weekend call..

The first day started off fairly well with a very quick ward round by the consultant.. Then, the usual inpatient jobs to be done.. Even that I finished at 5pm, one hour after my rostered working hour.. Of course it didn't matter that much as I was practically oncall on the Friday.. Nevertheless, it was not looking like a good start for the weekend..

Post-call on Monday and we started off with a ward round.. Again, the usual jobs afterwards.. I wasn't complaining although my whole body was just about to crash with exhaustion.. I was holding on to the last drop of calorie I had in my body..

Tuesday was far from better.. We started off with the rounds in the morning, then clinic in the afternoon.. As you may already know, it was huge! I left hospital around 7.30pm.. This is probably one of the latest time I had left hospital on a not-oncall day..

Today.. Same again.. We did the rounds in the morning - including some hassle with patients almost missing the theatre list.. Alhamdulillah, both of them managed to squeeze their luck through today.. Otherwise, my brain is on the line! Ultimately, at 2 minutes before 5pm, I was called to admit an elective patient for a kidney biopsy tomorrow.. I had thought of leaving that to the oncall team to do it, but I just counld not risk the man not having his procedure done tomorrow if anything were not done pre-procedure.. So I stayed and did the job myself.. Ina had to wait for me and she did help with sending the bloods.. As far as I am concerned, he is ready to go tomorrow! Of course, that meant I only left hospital late around 7pm and reached home 5 minutes later.. This is the second day in a row I am stuck to get the job done..

Less Than Inadequate

The busy renal job means that there is a lot of opportunity to learn and pick up experience along the way.. However, it also is an eye-opener and show how much I don't know about my specialty.. Now, that's not great at all! The feeling of inadequate is just NOT GOOD!

I need to step up! And I don't know how I am going to do it.. Even worse! Well, I'll take it day by day and see where I can improve and work on that..

As for tonight, I am just taking my time resting.. Ina is starting at 7am tomorrow and I may well opt to go to work at the same time.. I am starting at 8am but I don't think the hassle of sending her off to work, come back home and go back to work is worth my time and energy.. I might as well get ready early and sort a few things out before I start at eight anyway.. I got to go to bed or I won't wake up tomorrow!

Salam..

She Survived Her First SHO Call.. Well Done!

Salam..

This entry will be short and hopefully sweet.. Both of us are really exhausted after our long day.. This will be no more than a light before-bed reading material..

Mega Clinic

For some reason, I managed to survive the mega clinic of the Renal service.. We had 53 patients coming in and I had only the faintest of idea what is wrong with their kidneys.. Obviously, the consultants know all the patients by heart, including their kidney function numbers!

Of course, other services may well have more than 50 patients.. The difference is, the Renal service only has one outpatient clinic every week.. Whereas, for example, the Haematology service would have four clinics in a week, with an average of 20 to 25 patients per clinic.. That sums up to almost 100 patients in the clinic per week! But spreading them out makes the clinic lighter.. Plus, in the Renal service, there is a 'post mortem' of the clinic where every patient is discussed briefly.. Even after that, we finished at 7pm..

I only finished the dictations around 7.30pm and went straight out the door! Ina was well waiting for me to start the car engine..

First SHO Call - And Survived!

Ina had quite a pleasant night for a call last night.. Maybe she was just lucky.. Even the medics were quiet - they took only about 15! Ina had to admit five and three of them came before 6pm.. She got the other two later and by 2am she was already in her room ready to switch off.. She got quite a call, I may say.. It is not uncommon for the Geriatric call to have up to 10 admissions per night.. Last week, Louise was oncall for the Geri's and took in twelve in a night, nine of them with pneumonia/chest infection..

Ina will be oncall again this weekend, Saturday and finishing Sunday.. I hope she'll be alright.. I am sure she will.. I am just worried because her appetite has really hit the boots over the last three weeks or so and stressing herself with not enough fuel would not be best..

Anyway, I congratulate my dear darling for surviving her first SHO call.. It is not a major event but it sure is a huge jump in term of her career development.. She is already asleep, tired from the call and the day's job.. I won't disturb her.. Let the newly-promoted SHO get some rest..



Salam..

The First Day Remembered..

Salam..

Currently, I am absolutely exhausted but for some odd reason, the idea of writing in this blog keeps me somewhat energized for probably a short while, before my physical limitations kicks in.. As you may know, I was on-call on Friday and then Sunday, finishing the call this morning, but only home at around 6pm after finishing my day job.. Indeed, it sounds crazy to be working long hours 'saving lives'!

Just Like It Was Yesterday

I sat down this evening and pondered upon how I have somehow survived up to this stage doing this job.. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me the strength and patience to see the days of being a doctor.. I remember the first day I stepped into a hospital, St James's Hospital, to be exact as a qualified yet frightened doctor.. The scroll that I had accepted a few weeks back seemed just like a paper then - of very little value apart from being a 'licence' of practising medicine, to put knowledge to practice..

The fear of facing real life unwell people and then making 'an educated evaluation and decision' still haunts me until now.. And yet, I was thrown into a situation where my knowledge, mind and physical strength were toughly challenged.. Nobody said 'I want out' but everybody kept facing their fears everyday, until that uncertain moment when confidence grew inside me and all of us junior doctors.. Being oncall was just another overtime duty so that our other colleagues can get the night off - we would take care of the whole hospital that night on-call..

Year passed and we all received our full registration - upgrading us from interns to Senior House Officers, or SHOs.. Again, the ghost of incompetence and doubt came visiting when we step into the Emergency Department seeing patients and deciding what would be the best plan of management for the patients.. We no longer have the privilege of having all the background notes available in front of us, but just seeing these 'fresh' patients and making the decisions..

A good friend of mine told me, "Don't worry, you'll do fine.. If you don't know, ask.. You will make mistakes, but the most important thing is you LEARN.." His words are still fresh and still true.. And today, I have survived one whole year of being an SHO..

Step Up

Another friend said to me, "If you are thrown into a position, don't let yourself feel inadequate, but train yourself to step up!" Still true..

Tonight, the time has come for Ina to step up..

Tonight, she is on-call for the first time as an SHO after 18 months being an intern.. For most of us here in Ireland, internship is only for a year with six months in surgery and medicine.. For Ina, she has had the extra training of 6 months in medicine - technically a full year of medicine training.. I do believe she is more than capable of taking the responsibilities as an SHO.. I do believe she is up for it.. I do believe in her..


Spiderman's uncle once said, "With great power comes great responsibilities.." I agree - the higher you go in medicine, the more responsibilities you have to bear, yet there will always be somebody who has faced these before us and are willing to lend a helping hand.. It will be daunting, tiring, but it will be worth it in the end.. The experience of stepping up is only appreciable by the one in the situation..

Dedication

I promised Ina I would dedicate this special entry to say that she will do fine.. Trust in yourself and don't feel afraid to ask for help or advice.. Give yourself the chance to grow and you will see your potential.. I know you can!

Salam..

A Small Spring Cleaning.. A Big Success!

Salam..

Today, nothing much happened.. I got home around 9.30am after a long night on-call.. My new 'partner in crime' John is brilliant.. He's good! Of course, weekend being weekend, Friday night saw us taking in a list of 25 patients, from a frank clear-cut full-face inferior acute myocardial infarction to a soft normal-ECG normal-cardiac enzyme palpitation and chest pain.. Either way, we were taught NEVER to send a chest pain home..

Got home and got a fresh 2-hour nap.. Woke up and got ready and we went out to buy some groceries from the local oriental shop.. Then, we attempted to pick up the Serrano tv stand which was unavailable in stock at the time we bought the LG.. Unfortunately, I was informed that it will not be in until next week.. So, a little bit more delay before Ina and I enjoy our new screen..

Spring Cleaning Means Washing Dishes


As I mentioned above, the main thing I did as part of my spring (or winter) cleaning was sorting the dishes.. I managed to clear the kitchen altogether! Good for me..

I sent my dear darling to shred all the papers of no further good to us.. At least we can clear the load and save some trees by recycling..

There are still some more chores to be done, but I have to switch off early tonight.. On-call again tomorrow and will be looking to continue for Monday..

Well, that is all for now..
Salam..

On To Nephrology, On To Geriatrics..

Salam..

Indeed, I have no excuse for my silence (or Ina's) for the dormant blog.. Had we charted a graph, we would see a massive drop of entries in November and December, just like the recession had struck the 'blog-economy'..

This is again the time of the year when doctors all around this country swap around and find new place to work, meaning other hospitals.. Few of our friends here in Limerick are moving around.. Bell, while still in Limerick, is going to the Maternity Hospital.. Rafidah is going to Bantry, Ashiq to Nenagh and the surgical interns (Fid, Wan, Faderi, Rayan, Shiqin and Sepose) are going back to Cork..

As for me and Ina, we are staying still in Limerick Regional.. I am swapping to the Renal team and I admit I know NOTHING about renal medicine.. This will be scary! Of course, good number of friends of mine have said that I will learn a lot in the rotation, but it will also be very busy.. As for Ina, she will be going back to Geriatric Medicine (Medicine for the Elderly).. She would probably go to rotating between Dr Clinch and Prof Lyons's team.. Indeed, this time she is one flight upstairs the building - she will take up her first SHO post.. It seems a bit ironic to be exclusively elated about being an SHO, but trust me, after the uncertainty of surgical job and then the 18-month long internship, I do believe this calls for a grace celebration..

Ina will be doing Geriatrics in January..

Christmas Shopping In Dublin

I am not writing long on this.. However, here are some of the things we bought during that weekend :

• Heels for Erin and Intan, a pair each
• A set of 76 pieces dinner cutlery set
  
• A set of kitchen knives
• Dema White set for Sepose - a gift for her making laksa for Ina, and..

42-inch LG full HD 1080p 100Hz plasma flat screen
+
the half-price black Serrano TV stand
+
5.1 Samsung DVD Home Cinema System!

We are so bold!

Just to dampen the excitement, all these have not been put together yet.. Between on-call and just plain tired and lazy, the tv is still lying in the extra room.. Fear not, soon it will be in the centre of our living room..

Well, that is all for now.. I will keep you posted for updates.. Either way, I am on-call again this weekend with half of the team a new batch of doctors starting in the hospital..

Salam..