Currently, I am absolutely exhausted but for some odd reason, the idea of writing in this blog keeps me somewhat energized for probably a short while, before my physical limitations kicks in.. As you may know, I was on-call on Friday and then Sunday, finishing the call this morning, but only home at around 6pm after finishing my day job.. Indeed, it sounds crazy to be working long hours 'saving lives'!
Just Like It Was Yesterday
I sat down this evening and pondered upon how I have somehow survived up to this stage doing this job.. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me the strength and patience to see the days of being a doctor.. I remember the first day I stepped into a hospital, St James's Hospital, to be exact as a qualified yet frightened doctor.. The scroll that I had accepted a few weeks back seemed just like a paper then - of very little value apart from being a 'licence' of practising medicine, to put knowledge to practice..
The fear of facing real life unwell people and then making 'an educated evaluation and decision' still haunts me until now.. And yet, I was thrown into a situation where my knowledge, mind and physical strength were toughly challenged.. Nobody said 'I want out' but everybody kept facing their fears everyday, until that uncertain moment when confidence grew inside me and all of us junior doctors.. Being oncall was just another overtime duty so that our other colleagues can get the night off - we would take care of the whole hospital that night on-call..
Year passed and we all received our full registration - upgrading us from interns to Senior House Officers, or SHOs.. Again, the ghost of incompetence and doubt came visiting when we step into the Emergency Department seeing patients and deciding what would be the best plan of management for the patients.. We no longer have the privilege of having all the background notes available in front of us, but just seeing these 'fresh' patients and making the decisions..
A good friend of mine told me, "Don't worry, you'll do fine.. If you don't know, ask.. You will make mistakes, but the most important thing is you LEARN.." His words are still fresh and still true.. And today, I have survived one whole year of being an SHO..
Step Up
Another friend said to me, "If you are thrown into a position, don't let yourself feel inadequate, but train yourself to step up!" Still true..
Tonight, the time has come for Ina to step up..
Tonight, she is on-call for the first time as an SHO after 18 months being an intern.. For most of us here in Ireland, internship is only for a year with six months in surgery and medicine.. For Ina, she has had the extra training of 6 months in medicine - technically a full year of medicine training.. I do believe she is more than capable of taking the responsibilities as an SHO.. I do believe she is up for it.. I do believe in her..
Spiderman's uncle once said, "With great power comes great responsibilities.." I agree - the higher you go in medicine, the more responsibilities you have to bear, yet there will always be somebody who has faced these before us and are willing to lend a helping hand.. It will be daunting, tiring, but it will be worth it in the end.. The experience of stepping up is only appreciable by the one in the situation..
Dedication
I promised Ina I would dedicate this special entry to say that she will do fine.. Trust in yourself and don't feel afraid to ask for help or advice.. Give yourself the chance to grow and you will see your potential.. I know you can!
Salam..
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